7/7 Updates

Hey guys, I'm sorry that I haven't updated my blog in the past...month(!), but it's been very busy. As some of you may know (cuz I mentioned on Facebook.), I was at Anime Expo this past weekend with my group =] We did a group cosplay so it was a lot of work, also with the performance at Masquerade on top (meetings + practices). But hey, we ended up with an award so it all paid off ^_^

For the past month, I have been working on costumes for myself and my friends in my group (Since I'm one of the couple who knew how to use the sewing machine). Each night, I'd get home at about 2am earliest (one day I came home at 7am X[ )
. I've been pretty much running between Norcal and Socal basically every other week. Aside from getting my belongings for the costumes, I was also helping my family moving from our small apartment in Socal to the new house in Norcal and all. There have also been two running online competitions for singing (Soompi & allkpop Idol) that I had to record my submissions for. The previous Soompi Idol one was recorded at my friend's house (during a group meeting for Anime Expo. The previous allkpop Idol submission was recorded in the rental car I was using ~_~. So I wouldn't say I'm the person with the most freedom ever. haha~

When I joined Soompi and as I met more people, I always admired how many people there were so talented and were involved while interested in the same thing I was. I've made a lot of new friends and received a lot of attention. Soompi Idol was my first ever competition (though online) and I'm surprised that I've gotten this far. May be some of the people who know me more personally would also know that I really dislike competitions and whatnot, but I guess there are times when you should go out there and try out new things. Afterall I always want to be open minded and would hate to miss out on opportunities ^_^

If you guys didn't know, I'm a pre-pharmacy major in college (2nd year coming). I lived in a single dorm last semester (by luck). That was how I got the time and privacy to record so many things as you can see =]
I spent a lot of nights up really late, throwing my sleeping habits berserk, to make new accounts on many different websites and link them all back to the things that I've created and uploaded. By doing this, I've met even more people and gotten more listeners. These people added me on Facebook, Youtube, Soundclick, etc... Some have given me tips and constructive criticisms on how to make things better time after time, and I really appreciate each and every one~
The listeners got together and named themselves "Dreamers" (as you should know if you are here now ^_^) and met up on the Facebook page or at a forum to share each others' interests and dreams.

A lot of people introduce themselves to me as a "fan", but I've already said before that I never really liked that word since back when I was in different bands and we worked to make "fans". I always felt that that word instantly puts a barrier between the "artist" and their "listeners" for some reason. Maybe it's just me ^_^.
The truth is I've never once mentioned to those that I knew in person (friends from school and other) that I was this "Youtuber" who sings this and that, doing covers of certain artists. I never do that because I always thought it was kind of out of the way to bring up such a thing, even if old friends ask me what I've been up to.
Although it's not everyday when someone can say "I have over 1000 people who love and support me," it's just not the same for me and I don't feel like I deserve it as much as given credit for.
Honestly, even a lot of my closest closest friends do NOT hear me talking about what I do with singing and the events I'm part of.
Surprisingly though, a lot of my friends DO know about my singing and "Dreamers" and whatever else that has been going on with my life, although we don't talk much or hasn't for the past year and more o.O (I do admit that it's pretty easy looking for someone online, especially Youtube, though XD)
Some of them say "Oh yeah Alan, so you have a lot of FANS, now, right???". But I always say "naww, it's not like that"~ I'd always call them "listeners" anyway.

I'm nowhere close to being "famous" and don't know if I can get there. A lot of people say that they love what I do and they often support me to the very end. All I can do is appreciate that and continue doing what I do ^_^ I feel a special feeling with those who support me because of the times when they say "my friend was surprised that I knew you" or "my mother adores your singing". How often does one hear those things? When friends and family all support a person and what they do, it's more serious than that~

When I decided to join allkpop Idol, I was prepared for whatever that was gonna happen. I knew it wasn't going to be easy and I wasn't 100% certain that I was prepared. Also knowing that I'm gonna be really busy in the near future, I half doubted myself for joining and wasn't going to continue much further (a lot of those on the Facebook page read about this).
A lot of people cheered me on and told me that I could go on and don't mind the rest, just fight and keep on fighting because they believe that I have the potential. They've seen me do much more than just 30 seconds of singing. They know I can do acoustic renditions of songs, arrange acapella covers, and mix different versions of songs; all during my busy schedule of moving from place to place, living at relatives' house north, apartment south, hotel in LA, or new house in the suburbs.

It's not unexpected, also, that a lot of new listeners have questioned my involvement with the things that I do. Why I do this and why I do that. But anyone who have known me for more than a mere Youtuber would be able to answer all these questions (hopefully ^_^).
The number one thing that bothered me about allkpop Idol is the amount of unnecessary comments (this is in no way about the staff; just merely users~). A lot of it isn't even about me in particular. I just will never understand why I would have the need to put down others verbally to make myself feel better about what I do. And I honestly believe that everyone who is currently in the competition can save themselves much trouble if others didn't do such irrelevant things.

Particularly in my situation, if a person doesn't make the effort to see more to me than 30 seconds of what entirely makes up who I am and judges [me] upon those things, I can't say much for them. I've done what was necessary, and it is their part to do what they must. Some people are quick to judge, and I hope that they would get the experience to think about things more thoroughly in the future, because quite frankly, if a person can't carry through a conversation (or even a comment) without unnecessary profanity, then I can't return to them more of the same respect that they have given to me or to other members in the competition. (A lot of people know me for my dislike of profanity anyway~ and I would rather not use it most of the time)

I do see a lot of talent in the competition and I can't foresee the end of it. A lot of these other things have discouraged me from time to time and I would rather be oblivious to it, but sometimes you just can't be. I have decided that I don't care about the results, I only know that none of this will put me down in the end and I will keep on trying no matter what, because there are real people who do support me, those who will genuinely be happy for my success and so will I for theirs. I will not be a quitter because I've prepared for this. Those who will forget about all this in a couple of years because they have only been speaking out of their egos and not their mind in order to crush others' dreams won't be worth the trouble for anybody, and I'm sure myself and "Dreamers" would be well to not have that kind of negativity among them. The "Dreamers" have become like a family to me and I honestly would be hurt if one of them acted like such toward anybody anywhere.

As I've said before, there are personal reasons to my purposes for singing. I don't care about gaining respect or getting everyone's support. It's just sometimes I do ask myself, "How have I come to gain the world but still lose the one person that mattered most all this time?" (this is metaphorically speaking of course~) but it really does break my heart.

Again, I'm nowhere close to "fame" and don't know "where I will be in 10 years," but I do know what I'm doing now and what I believe in now. No one can really say that I did not see these things coming. A person doesn't have to be Famous to be putting themselves out there; and nobody can make everybody happy. I really am scared to know what real celebrities and famous figures face each day if these are the things that I and others I know face as of right now.

This is not specifically regarding or pointed toward any specific person, so don't take it personally if it happens to have mentioned the actions that "you" did. Afterall, this is my personal account so I'm free to speak my mind, yes? ^_^ My main purpose here hasn't been to gain respect or rally some sort of support, I just wanted to state the things I've observed and felt. I hope that I can be the bigger person and express my opinion on the matter. I will never be stopped or put down against what I believe in. As long as that lives in my heart, no one can force me to change or alter.

With love and respect,
Alan JW N.