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It's almost been a year since I began singing (8/2-my first video on Youtube).
I've come a long way.
There are so many people to thank for this success.
It seems to me like it's been so much longer than it really has been.
Others feel that way too (I'm sure you do as well ^^)
But I must not forget my reasons for singing in the beginning.
Because of that person I always speak of.
I think I can be a bit more open about this now to you (the reader)
because after one year, I think I've overcome a lot of things.
Although I still can't reveal the entire story.
My heart still tugs at me when I think of it.
It's been more than a year.
I remember some specific moments when we were together.
The song that was decided to be "our song"...was DBSK's "Hug"
it was a happy song...and we were both new to DBSK at the time.
I remember the best Christmas I ever had.
It was with her.
A party at a friend's house.
We walked with a group to go caroling, but she didn't feel too good because she had a blood test that morning and was worn out.
She sang to me...
I had always wondered how it was like when a girl sings to me...
I had never known that feeling
because I was always the one who would sing, play guitar (not that it's anything to complain about ^_^)
I loved doing these things because I knew at least I was lucky enough to have someone to do them for and be appreciated in return.
Her singing to me made it the best Christmas ever...
She was wearing a white dress, and we were standing on the sidewalk across the street from everyone else.
I thought she was the most beautiful thing and I still do this day.
Most importantly, we were still together.
She was nearly passing out later on when we got back into the house... the walk must have made her tired.
She asked the friend if she could rest in her room.
I stayed with her when she was resting...
She asked me to sing to her.
I remember singing "Hug" softly to her when she was lying next to me, falling asleep.
At the time, I never thought I'd be where I am today.
I never planned to be this active in music.
I hadn't thought about becoming a singer since I was in middle school... let alone entering contests..
I think high school made me forget these things. I know other people have been through it, too.
It's funny how things happen...
how quickly a person who was just in your arms one moment...
can be so far after all.
So far out of reach that I've gone this far for this one year just to
I know I won't stop doing what I'm doing no matter what happens.
I know I won't throw this all away because of this tugging at me.
I know that I have a lot of support and love from everyone else.
I know you believe in me.. if you are reading this.
But I have to try and open myself to share a bit of my reasons of why I was doing this in the first place.
I just wanted to be heard.
I never sang because people liked this or that of me.
I don't ask people to listen, but thank the ones who do feel the things I put through my voice and songs.
I need new reasons to keep me continuing.
Something very important to me is supposedly happening in one more year...
If nothing comes of it.. I will need new reasons.
That is my personal deadline with that person.
Even if that passes, if I keep on going with what I'm doing today..
One day perhaps that person will be reading these exact words on this very page.
Maybe they'll know how much they meant to me.
Maybe they'll understand how it hurts to not be able to say anything.
I don't need anything else.
I just want my voice to be heard.
Because all I've done is because of you.
I should say thank you.
I love this music ! :)
ReplyDeleteMMmmmm... don't worry, you just have to be patient. And sometimes you don't have to have a reason to do things. If you have the passion, then... that's all it matters. if you like to sing then i say keep doing it. You don't need to do it for someone else. <3.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing thatXD No matter what I will always support you. Your so real, and so down to earth, and its amazing how I feel like I know alot more about you now :) I hope that you can be heard, not famous really, just heard , all across the world, and that your *gorgeous* voice can span seas sweetheart, because you deserve to be heard, and you deserve to be seen. Wishing yout the best
ReplyDeletejelover44 from youtube
and Autumn Smith from facebook
Hmmmmm...it does seems like it's been longer than a year. Time really has flown by. You've progressed so much in such a short period of time.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a really nice memory. Christmas was always more of a disappointing time for me.
You wanting to continue what you're doing should be reason enough for you to keep going. But if you feel you need reasons, then you'll find them.
Hehe, I tried playing the video. But I unknowingly had "Holding Back the Tears" going on in another tab. Took me awile to figure out why the music was getting all mixed up:P
Aish...I'm so tired-_- It's not fair, it's not normal for me to actually want to sleep, but when I do want to, I never can.
first, congrats on allkpop idol! you really deserved it^^
ReplyDeletehmm doesn't it feel kinda good to vent out a little.. especially to people you don't know so you don't have to worry about anything?
even though more than half of your readers don't know you personally -_-... i know that we read your posts because we really don't like watching others suffer.. alan, you have so many supporters for your music (including me =D). and supporters hoping for the best for you and the girl (including me ^^). you really must be a strong guy for withstanding this pain the whole time...
i'll be reading your future posts so update ^^
I truly hope you can come to terms with what has happened. Looking into the past and wishing you were back there...it's a trap. Nothing is as good as what is now, and things can only ever get better. I sound enormously cliche, but I've found that it's true. Dwelling in the past has only caused grief and pain to me. "Move up and move on." I don't know what has happened, so I might be very wrong, but things happen for a reason. The best advice I can give you is to sing your feelings out; write the words down and sing it.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you found a reason to sing. In my opinion, I don't think you need a reason at all. You just need to treasure your old reason and remind yourself why you love singing. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for singing, because some people (me, for example) just don't have the voice, haha.
Have you ever realized what a small world this is? I stumbled upon one of your videos and became completely entranced. Once I found out more about you, it hit me. You're an alumni from my school.
Thanks for sharing something that meant a lot to you. It must've been hard. It's not easy telling people these things. So props to you for that! :)
ReplyDeleteJust know that, if you love something, there'll always be a reason to keep going forward. If you ever feel weak about something, just look inside yourself, dig deep, and you'll find all the reasons you'll ever need. Whatever happened, happened for a reason..it might tug at you now, but someday...your hardwork and courage will set you free. Fighting! Plus, just by being able to speak a little about it, you've taken a step towards...a better tomorrow? :)
Oh! & Happy 1 Year Anniversary for singing on Youtube! You're right. You've come a long way. And it doesn't stop here. I hope that the road ahead of you will be filled with many "interesting" events and most importantly, the things you love and the people you cherish.
^^ 加油！["you can do it!" in Chinese =)]
Hey Alan!
ReplyDeleteI was browsing by again and I read through your recent blogs and comments given out to by other people.
This is what I believe. You keep talking about this problem that arises in your heart, but each time you type it out, there seems to be MORE and MORE complications that spur from this pain that you feel.
In my opinion (not to be rude...), I think instead of expressing your pain through these typed words on your blog, try to find it through the music you listen to and the ones that you sing. Give that to be your new reason to sing. Sing what your heart wants to tell people. By doing so, not only will it add more passion into your voice and music, I know you'll feel relieved and less troubled about your past pain.
You may think that there is no human being out there that could understand your suffering. By putting it into words, a few people may get an idea of what you're going through, but they don't feel what you feel. By putting your words through your songs, it grabs hold of the heart quicker and your listeners can feel something similar to what you would like to project.
Alan, don't take this as a rude comment or anything please! ><; But just keep this in mind and hopefully you'll be able to move on stronger and with more courage than before. (:
You've been improving since you graduated and I'm looking forward to more successful and good things to happen to you in the next year to come!
<3 always,
Nikoruuu. ^^;