I'm a lucky person.
Today when I was out with mom for some errands, we stopped by her friend's shop for her to drop off something. I stayed in the car because it wasn't going to be long. There was a man standing by a post a few meters away. He was wearing sunglasses and a thick, black jacket, pulling a suitcase along and seemed like he was waiting for someone. It was an unusual place to wait, anyway, but he seemed happy and upbeat. He might have been listening to music as well. I couldn't tell.
As I sat in the car and waited while listening to music, I thought of how lucky I am to have the things that I do. I have nice clothes to wear, good food to eat, a great family. Compared to that man standing outside, I had so much. As I thought more and more about how lucky I am to have my mom supporting me with everything I have and how many times I have failed to appreciate those things, tears came to my eyes; and even more when I thought of how so many other people have not appreciated what they have been given. Comparing myself to the man again, he was so much happier than I had been.
Here I am, a person with so much to be thankful for, yet still damaged and broken by events in my past (some that no one can ever hear about or know of). The man had so much more if you looked at things differently.
It was inspiring and makes me question myself why should I be down if I have so much to build on(?).
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Sometimes when I ask myself why I need to have a special someone. Whenever I think about something in the past, I just think about so many things at once and I see them sort of like a story. I feel like I can't share this story with anybody else but that certain someone. I think that everyone has their own story to tell and I would be truly happy to be the one that's trusted by this person.
There are some things you just can't forget. The last time I honestly did not know how to feel or what to do was a while ago from today, but I can relive it as if it were yesterday. I wish it weren't in my past because it hurt too much. How could I wipe away someone's tears while I kept on crying, saying that "everything will be okay" and agreeing that it would be? We truly wanted to believe it and I wanted to try my best to fix things for us. I really believed that everything was done and nothing could have changed how we were because it had been perfect. That person disappeared twelve days later.
Maybe it was too good to be true.
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aghhh Alan >.< i understanddd. u know when u said when u thought of the past it's like u think abt everything at once, i do that too -_-. it gives me a headacheee. And yeah, i have certain things i cant forget either but i learned to just let it go, i have to move on or else i would be in even more upsett. && it's okayy, things just... happens u knoww?
ReplyDeleteI wrote something on my blog a few days ago and a friend of mine asked me why I kept on thinking too much about all the things that happened in my life, now that I've read your entry her "voice" (actualy she said that on MSN) came to my mind as well... and, reading your entry once more I can say it's not bad at all, 'cause that makes us like... really analize stuff and go on with our lifes with a better look of it.
ReplyDelete~~~
We all have to be thanked for everything we have. The little, the more... we have to value it and thank life - parents -for that... even the bad things that happen to us, we must thank life for that too.. because if nothing bad happens in our lifes, it won't be real life at all
[sorry for writting this on YOUR blog.. I should do it in mine.. sorry D:]
kisses Alan =).
and OW, I forgot to mention one thing, I'm kind of tired of "too good to be true", good and bad, excellent and worse is true, everyting is true.
ReplyDeleteAh.. I'll learn to use my blog to say what's on my mind, btw, check it out... lol.
kisses and take care
alan (:
ReplyDeletei've been a silent reader so hello now!
hmm... i know what you mean about being thankful yet still pained/damamged. it feels like we can't help ourselves, nor express ourselves to others. we try to help them, but how shall we when we are no btter than them? its simply the blind leading the blind.
but i guess we shall see through time; for some it may take a day or two, for others years.
but dont give up, i guess we'll just have to take it day by day; no matter how crap one day feels, theres always the next.
i guess im asking myself 'who am i to say?'
i hope you dont mind, i do indeed hope to get to know you better (:
Humans come and go in pairs,no?
ReplyDeleteIt's natural for you to want a special someone.
You are so sensitive,and honest.
For a guy..
Now that's too good to be true.
*I smiled but you can't see it and I really hate gay smiley faces.*