9/2 - "Left My Hearts"

It's come to my realization that
a lot of people who I have known for so long
and have come to know for no matter how long
have found happiness in their lives.

This was what I wanted for everyone in a really really early post of mine on a Facebook note.
I poured my heart out then and wished nothing more but happiness for everyone I knew no matter if they were my friends or not.

It's funny because in the same moment I realized this
I also was reminded of some things and some people from the past
not the ones I've talked about... at least not in a while.

I know that from many people's views, it seems like I have the world made for me ^_^
I do feel your immense support, and of course so when you are reading these words.
I now understand how things can seem extravagant and glamorous at some levels in life.
But I have always felt that others have had me wrong so many times.
Sometimes I feel as if that separates me from what I could have simply been to them - a friend.

I guess what I'm saying is.. it may seem that I have all I need in the world,
but the truth is I still feel empty when I think about it.
I KNOW that I could be and should be happy with all these great things happening
but there is something missing~
For all I know all this could be temporary... something that would be too short-sighted of me to depend on.
I just want something that I know will last for a long long time.

(Sorry for the randomness of this post... It's just things that have crossed my mind recently. After all it has seemed like I've been really happy lately, but in all this happiness, I am still reminded of those things that held me back... I wish one day to let go completely once I find that something to fill my heart. But today I felt different. The lost things that I've always held onto is now let go of. I feel better.. the only thing that remains is the fact that it happened, something that cannot be erased. My heart is lightened of the weight but now it feels unfulfilled.)

Also something just came up in a conversation with someone that reminded me of a certain thing... habit... that I always do when I'm back in my hometown over break.
Whenever I'm out at night with friends and am heading home... no matter how late it is; be it 10pm or 2am, I would drive to a certain ... place. No one has really known that I do this.

I would just swing by and... think about things, absorb in what else I've been missing out, think about the past, all while music plays in the car.
It's a nice and familiar feeling, even if I'm not supposed to be there.. or I shouldn't be there.
The music and the night air just settle in so well with the reminiscent times.
It's a sad time to think back to... but I'm happy to be there?~ I don't know.
I guess for those moments I can at least pretend or remind myself that some things are still possible.
Maybe it's just too personal of an experience to express in the right words or way..
In a way I wish that some others can experience it... but in a way I don't.. because in order to do that, you would already have to have lost something so important to you..

But in that place, I could clearly see myself back in the days when I were truly happy; a short time that I spent with someone that became some of the unforgettable days.
I'll always be looking for that again from now on--


I think there's a limit to how much another person can make you happy.
I believe that true happiness is when you find it yourself, whatever that you love doing, and work hard at it.
I've done too many different things, and still am.
Even today I'm still hoping for some of those things to give me an extra kick.
I don't want to just depend on that other person for happiness..
I want them to be the constant reminder for me to go out and find happiness.
Someday it'll happen~
Someday~

9/1 - "Energetic!"

So today I woke up to two mail packages!!
One was from allkpop and one was from Apple
I was longggg expecting both and were dying to get them XDD

The Apple package was Snow Leopard that I got an up-to-date discount on since I just got my mac not too long ago ^_^

Inside the allkpop package was SUPPOSED to be the autographed BoA album that I was to receive for winning allkpop Idol last month~ They had tweeted a few days ago saying that there is also an "extra little something!" =o!

I had no idea what would be inside besides the BoA album and was seriously just going to be happy enough for that autographed CD XDDD

Turns out that there was an EXTRA CD inside and it turned out to be the SE7EN album !!! Autographed and all!!! T~T
I was like ")(@&#%)@(&#%" XDD like I won't go into detail but WOWW
Did not expect that ^_^

allkpop seriously laid out their cards here =p
Thanks so much, you guys!!

Here are some photos of the items =]